Blank Facebook Wall
Adanna Shallowe learns to let go when he’s not that into you

It’s Friday night and my clock just struck 10. I’ve checked my mobile phone for the umpteenth time. There are no missed calls or new text messages. The last time we spoke Mr. Man said, “We should definitely do something on Friday. I’ll call you later this week.” Did I misread the signals? I’m sure we both had a good time, so why didn’t he call?

Many of us have asked these questions, firstly to ourselves, then to our friends and everyone and anyone who would listen. Men seem to be genetically predisposed to not call. No one quite knows what triggers this unusual response but for some reason it always follows a good date where the female of the human species is confident that after the event he would call and he never does!

I know that I share this experience with every other woman who has waited on that elusive phone call. I vividly remember once in my less experienced single days when I waited for an entire Friday night for a phone call. Mr. Man was supposed to call and I distinctly remembered the promise of getting together to do something later in the week. That promise remained unfulfilled like many similar ones to follow.

You know what makes matters worse? In this interconnected world the avenues for communication are now limitless. There is the ever popular Facebook, cell phone, land line, text messaging and better yet, Skype. We are literally a hop, skip and a fibre optic link away from a familiar voice. However, it seems like I still imagine the emotional connections since the absent phone call gets replaced by the fibre optic link gone awry. There are no notes left on my Facebook wall, though he has changed his status, posted photos, and poked and invited our mutual Facebook friends. Yet, he has not connected – with me!

The great thing about this instant world is that each time I check my inbox, mobile phone or Facebook wall for the message that never comes I am instantly reminded that he isn’t that into me. This time the excuses do not come. There is no – “Maybe he forgot”, or “Did I send the message?”, or “Maybe he did not have enough time.” It is as plain as the no new messages recording on my voicemail. He is not that into me or as my best friend once put it, “Girl, he not on you!”And you know the funny thing is we women strategize – Do I call this time? Should I wait a couple days? Did I do something wrong? Did I misread things? Why is this so?

If there is one thing I’ve learnt from all of this is that the natural tendencies of the species are the same. Men hunt what they want, and regretably, in this case, it’s not me. I’ve resolved not to pine away for the entire week; the message is as plain as my blank Facebook wall.

I must admit I have hoped against hope that Mr. Man was also interested in me. Is that so wrong? In high school we used the term “thirsty” to describe this feeling, and as we got older “desperate” was a more popular descriptor. I want someone to be my life partner, so when I meet someone who is amazing and who makes me light up deep inside is it wrong to want the conversation to continue this Friday, or this weekend or for the rest of our lives? That isn’t desperate is it? You see this is the part that few women talk about. The phone call is not just a phone call. It is the hope that the person on the other line likes me as much as I like him. It is a brave thing to walk the plank, arm myself against potential rejection and admit how I feel. When the rejection takes the form of a silent phone it stings especially when I thought a connection was made.

I know dating is a numbers game and this time, like many others, I struck out. Usually I would have ended this article by asking all the Mr. Men who stumble upon this article to call and thank me and others like me for a great time, admit we are better off as friends, and tie up the loose ends, so that we’re not left wondering what happened. But I decided not to. You win some, you lose some; and like everything else you learn from the experience. So to all my single sisters in the trenches, I have given up waiting for the phone call that never comes. Instead I’ve been busy with a social calendar that involves me getting to know the person that matters most – myself. I decided to take the advice of our favourite former single gal in the city – “The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."

And lastly I am no longer a great fan of Facebook.

- Adanna Shallowe