NATURAL HIGH
Sometimes it's ok to be stoned

This kind of behavior may seem weird to women, but it is the way a man’s mind works. Things have changed quite a bit since the turn of the 20th century. Women have risen from being ignored and exploited to be being able to vote, even smoke in public, without being chastised. Back in the olden days, women hid to smoke and so the tagline ‘You’ve come a long way baby’, used by Virginia cigarettes, in fact acknowledges women’s move to a more equal footing. It’s not exactly a politically correct aspect of history to highlight, in a health-conscious society, but it does illustrate my point. And then there was this one time when feminists were so peeved, that they burnt their bras in public! Well…truth be told, the bra-burning incident of the 70’s never took place. Actually, the women only dumped their bras into a trash can. The symbolic burning was simply inserted over the years, cementing this incident as an urban legend.

Women have definitely been persistent, and it has paid off big time! They are now CEO’s of powerful companies and hold other key positions, where undoubtedly, men are amongst their subordinates. These men, I am sure, are sometimes uncertain about the future of their jobs. This isn’t to say that professional women walk around with chips on their shoulders, waiting to zap any mortal who dares to cross them! Well…for the sake of men everywhere, I hope that that’s not the case! By the way, did I mention that the Editor-in-Chief of this fab mag is a woman? So let me behave and press on…

It is pretty clear by now, that women have made great strides professionally; but what may not be so apparent is that sexually, they have experienced liberation at a cost to men. Women can be extremely blasé where their sexuality is concerned; they take pleasure in flaunting it in our faces, without regard for our feelings. The following scenarios clearly illustrate my point:

The Mousetrap – The office setting provides women with the stage for the most subtle, displays of sexual mischievousness. Ladies, imagine you are making your way through a labyrinth of cubicles, as you do everyday, on your way to your space. Unexpectedly, you cross paths with that guy, Harvey, from a few cubicles removed from yours. Harvey, being a good guy, stops to let you pass. And you, being polite, glance at him long enough to thank him, smile, and maybe wave. You continue on your way, but the sensation of eyes on your back confirms that Harvey’s casual glance has grown into a full blown stare.

Let’s take a look at another scenario.

Glitter Effect: Have you ever been standing in line, at the bank for over an hour, when the guy in front of you, whose turn it is to be served, just stands there – frozen! Dazed, he stares into space, while the undertone of grumbling from the line, becomes louder. The teller leans over the counter some more, waving a little faster this time, to get the attention of this guy whom you’d like to kick straight to the window. Dizzy Dave finally snaps out of it and moves on, after ensuring that you’ve been set back just a little while longer.

I’m absolutely positive that the power women have over men is aptly demonstrated in this last scenario. Still didn’t see it? Well, let me explain the happenings, from the male POV. In the first scenario, Harvey is defenseless against her perfume as she brushes past him. When she has his attention, his eyes can’t leave her smiling face, which under these circumstances, acts as an advertising billboard: designed to draw you in and keep you there just long enough to lose your senses. Now that the mind of poor, unsuspecting Harvey is absolute mush, he helplessly follows the trail of beauty, as she sashays to her cubicle. Luckily for Harvey, his coffee burns his fingers, allowing him to break from the trance. Harvey is a good guy, just an innocent victim of propinquity – a fancy word to mean physical nearness.

And as for the other scenario, the guy was actually mesmerized by the bank-tellers, who were looking rather smart in their uniforms while dispensing polite service under the halo of fluorescent lamps. It’s like walking into a jewelry store and being bedazzled by diamonds! This kind of behavior may seem weird to women, but it is the way a man’s mind works.

Fortunately for men, the answer to our light-headedness towards women’s sensuality can easily be explained using science; which I’m sure will probably save some men (myself included) from being elbowed into explaining themselves. One of the best ways to get a natural high and so attempt to avoid the snare of women, is to take a long jog. The feeling of elation associated with this can last several hours at a time. Or if for some reason you can’t go out for a jog, a roll in the hay (figuratively speaking) will produce the same feeling. This is thanks to chemicals in the brain, known as endorphins, which are released at particular times, to give that intense euphoric feeling.

The same principles probably hold true when men are confronted by the complete package of an attractive woman: we may get an endorphin rush brought on by the sight, sound and scent of that woman. So ladies, the next time a guy is staring at you, it could be that he is a weird stalker eyeing you down; or a normal guy having an endorphin rush over your fine self. Either way, if I were you, I’d carry a can of mace, just to be on the safe side. Cheers.

- Brian Elie