Opening Pandora's Box

Starry eyes scan the dark skyline hoping to catch a glimpse of the man in the red-and-white suit who, as Mom promised, would give you anything you wished for—once you were good. Christmas morn greets children with their hopes of presents under the tree. There is, however, one unfi lled desire that lingers in the hearts of children everywhere: to see Santa Claus.

Every year, as kids grow older, it gets harder and harder for parents to keep up the myth of Santa Claus, as curious minds wonder what Mom and Dad were doing under the tree at midnight on Christmas Eve when Santa was supposed to be there. Similar to the nervous, uncomfortable talk your Dad had with you about the birds and the bees and where babies come from, he reluctantly sits you down and says: “I’m sorry son, but Santa Claus isn’t real.” You protest your case vehemently that Santa is real, the way a man on death row would protest his innocence. And with a benevolent look and gentle stroke of his hand, your Dad begins to explain and suddenly it all begins to make sense… the times Mom and Dad would go shopping without you, the mysterious shopping bags that no one was allowed to touch, and of course, whenever you peered through the hallway, you’d see Mom and Dad there under the tree. After that, Christmas just doesn’t feel the same as the harshness of reality bursts the fragile bubble of wishes, dreams, and hopes that there’s something magical to look forward to at Christmas time.

Women, it seems, are adept at tuning into the spirit of the season as they almost appear to glow out of sheer happiness to be alive, take advantage of the great shopping deals, appreciate their loved ones and spend time with them, and go through the yearly ritual of transforming their homes into something that almost makes you feel like you’re in a magical ice castle. Indeed ‘tis the season to be jolly’ and their aura of goodwill towards mankind is very infectious and can have a hypnotic effect on some men, much to their detriment…

Christmas Day finally dawns and the guy feels a sense of accomplishment as he drinks in the astonished delight of his special someone reveling in the marvel of the gift he’s just given her. They turn to each other and embrace, kiss lightly, and with her face cupped in his hands just a distance of a whisper away from his face—he feels the electricity of the moment as his heart begins to swell with a crescendo of emotions, almost as if an angel is using it as a golden harp…strumming away in the name of love. A pure feeling washes over him as he synergizes with his girl and then proceeds to make the biggest mistake that men make in moments like these: he decides to bear all and confess his past indiscretions to her. He feels confi dent that the power of the moment is enough to convince her that ‘what is past is past’ and what really matters is what’s happening now. The fact that she does not answer further convinces him that his job is done and they can now move on to the next level… but nothing could be further from the truth.

The question that probably comes to her mind is ‘if he did that, then what else did he do?’ Unlike the mind of a man that goes to sleep when he does, the mind of a woman does not rest until she gets to the bottom of things—compounded by her innate suspicious nature that lends itself to exaggeration. She begins to recall you being late to the last dinner date and asks herself if it was as you said. Innocent scenarios in the relationship begin to take on sinister appeal as the man has foolishly unleashed that part of a woman often described as “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!” Now that the guy has bankrupted himself of his girl’s trust, I suggest that he pack his bags and hit the road jack@#% and not bother to come ‘round anymore!

An alternative scenario to this ‘Lost in the Moment’ episode could be that they go on to have a great relationship. So great is this relationship that even when he comes home late, disheveled, and reeking of women’s perfume, she accepts his excuse that on his way home he lost control of his car and ran into a truck loaded with women’s fragrances, sustained a concussion, and fell into unconsciousness for a few hours!

So, once a guy plays his cards right in the ‘Lost in the Moment’ episode, his credibility ratings go up—not that his girl’s desperate or gullible. It’s just that he didn’t do anything for her to doubt him! This Christmas, every guy should give the gift that keeps on giving by allowing his girl to bask in the moment of love uninterrupted. It might be surprising to discover that the feeling is powerful enough to create a magical illusion for her; the one they both felt when they believed in Santa Claus…all because he managed to keep his big mouth shut! Cheers!

- Brian Elie